This post has been floating in my brain for weeks, and I think it needs to come out now. When I was pregnant the first time, I read everything I could get my hands on, talked to everyone I could about what it was like having a baby, was up on the latest nursery decorations, thought I was very well prepared for what was coming. Haha... well, didn't expect 3 days of labour ending in a c-section, didn't expect a massive blood infection that floored me and kept me in the hospital for over 2 weeks, didn't expect my hubby (who is now my ex) to care so little for me during the labour nor during the infection, and finally, couldn't believe it when they handed my Tristan and wondered "Ok, now what?".
You would think I would learn... but I haven't. I did exactly the same thing for this "birth" that I did with Tristan. Read everything, talked to everyone, thought I was organized and ready for anything and everything. NOT! Alot of the trip, I kept saying to Greg... why didn't anyone tell me this or that? Even if someone had, I don't think I would have been prepared for what has been going on, just as the other families I met in Beijing were not ready for what they were going through. What exactly am I talking about? Well, I figure I should share this for other adoptive parents - take it or leave it, its up to you, but somehow I think it will make me feel better that I have shared this somehow:
1. Your child will be nothing like you expected.
2. Someone else's child may look like an angel compared to yours who is spewing congee in the restaurant, but you do not know what happens behind closed doors or in the most public places you can think of (think airport arrivals area in Beijing). Don't compare!
3. Stay calm, at peace... your child will pick up on it, and will calm down if they are panicked. If you have never changed a diaper, and are panicking... calm down, deep breath... you can do this, its been done a million times by a million parents with no one loosing any limbs.
4. Your emotions will be all over the place, to the point that you think you are going crazy sometimes. This (I think) is normal.
5. The jetlag on the way back is just brutal. Have family and friends available to help you during the day, to keep your sanity and keep you fed. That's about all you can hope for during that first 10 days or so.
6. Plan to be away from LIFE as you know it for at least an additional 2 weeks beyond your travel. (This applies to those that have kids all ready; if you have no kids yet... say goodbye to your LIFE as you know it now, get ready to redefine normal as you will find it again in about 18 yrs or so... maybe).
7. The stares you will get from people in China will make your DH want to get violent, even though there is not one violent bone in his body.
8. Practice putting and taking diapers off a child in every inconvenient spot you can think of - back of taxis, in the tailgate of a van, on an airplane seat, child standing up in a filthy bathroom. Do this over and over again, until you can do it with your eyes closed, on zero sleep, in under 10 seconds. You think this is funny... I'm not kidding.
9. Practice having a diaper bag ready by the door, with snacks, change of clothing, toys, diapers, wipes, bottle. Bring it with you whenever you go out - leave it in the car - and ask hubby to take one thing out from time to time, so that you get into the habit of knowing just by weight and shift what is missing and add it promptly.
10. Say good bye to sex with hubby. Well, ok.. temporarily, like for the next several months or so.
11. Meds: well, everyone has their own system for this so I'm going out on a limb here. Carry only 1 painkiller/fever reducer and salinex with you on your person. I prefer Motrin/Advil personally cause it lasts up to 8 hrs, but you are fine with Tempra. Salinex is every mother's godsend - use it at the first sign of sniffles, and you will avoid ear infections, and the like. You will thank me for this one.
12. Do not go and get your child's medicare card the first week you are back. Do not go until the Wednesday of the following week - it opens at 10 am, get there by 9:45 am and you will be done at 10:30 am. (If you don't take my advice, you will end up spending 2 hrs wasting your time waiting for nothing cause you will leave empty handed with a screaming and unhappy child).
13. The beds in China are rock hard - you will get used to them, but you will love your bed when you get home.
14. Locate the nearest Starbucks or Haagen Daz restaurants (yes, that's right ... an ice cream from heaven RESTAURANT). Go in case of home sickness, or if you want to see some North Americans from time to time. You will get nods of acknowledgments that will make things a bit easier.
15. Be proud of yourself for going to such a foreign country and making it back. (I'm not there yet... still a bit shell shocked).
16. Your child in China is not the same child you will live with at home.
17. Bring some good books to read and be prepared to read them in the most uncomfortable spots while your child sleeps at night or during nap time - bathroom, hallway just outside your room, closet (I kid you not... I needed light, and the closet light was the only light available).
18. Give yourself time to adjust and to fall in love with your child. Accept the fact that it may happen quickly or not for a while... either way, its the right pace for you and her.
19. People will say all sorts of lovely things to you about what wonderful people you are to adopt a child. You can correct them and say something to the effect that its actually a selfish thing on your part cause you wanted this child for xyz reasons. Be prepared for the "are you growing a third head on your shoulder" look - people who do not adopt don't get it, and you can't change the world to make them understand what you have gone through to get your child.
20. Relax, don't sweat the small stuff. Your child will in fact be able to eat by themselves and brush their own teeth by the age of 18 yrs. And you will, one day, be able to have a good night's sleep.
Jacob checking out the 1st Christmas photo album.
Zach discovering the world of Narnia, in the form of a pop up book (that is the most beautiful pop up book I have ever seen!)
Tristan explaining what sound a mammoth makes.
Kaitlynn twirling around with her purple *yes, that's right... purple* too-too (how do you spell that anyways?)
One of the scenes from the Narnia book.
The Lion from Narnia.
The 1st Christmas photobook that Grammy Carol put together... just lovely, especially with the ladybug paper!
